The Twelve Days of Christmas
by Andrew Glasco
Summary: Lloyd is strolling through Flanoir and begins singing his own version of the Twelve Days of Christmas, but before he knows it everyone has joined in!


12/16/04

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, I hope you enjoy this little humor fic which is a take off of the Twelve Days of Christmas. I wrote in this informal format because the fic (obviously) isn't meant to be taken seriously, but just for a quick chuckle. If you like corny/stupid humor, you might find it funny, but if not, you'll probably just want to flame me. If you want to flame, that's fine, but be prepared to be flamed back. Being that this is a humor fic, there IS some OOCness within (though they're as in character as I could manage) and furthermore, being that there are tons of characters talking of what they'd want, this fic is abound with SPOILERS! If you have not beaten ToS, I strongly suggest that you turn back now and read no further. Go beat it, then come back and read. Hinted pairings in the story include LloydXColette, SheenaXZelos,GenisXPresea. Oh, and # denotes action because of the site's stupid system that's unwilling to accept most symbols. I hope you enjoy!_

DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to own, nor have any rights pertaining to the Tales of Symphonia characters. I am just a fan writing a silly piece of fiction for (hopefully) other fans' enjoyment.

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**_The Twelve Days of Christmas  
_**By Andrew Glasco

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#As Lloyd Irving walks about the snowy city of Flanoir watching the snow fall, a small smile rises upon his face as he begins to sing#

Lloyd: On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...a complete wooden sword set!

#Lloyd pauses, glancing over his shoulder with a curious blink. Passing the noise he thought he'd heard off as his imagination, he continues#

Lloyd: On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me—

#Colette suddenly leaps out and grabs onto a shocked Lloyd, who nearly stumbles over in surprise#

Colette: Two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: Uhm...and a complete wooden sword set?

Colette: This is fun! Let's keep going, Lloyd!

Lloyd: #Cough# I dunno if I can think of twelve things...

#Sheena steps out from the side with a smile#

Sheena: Leave it to me! I'll give you a hand.

Lloyd: Well, if you guys say so...

Sheena: 'Course! #Pause# So...on the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me...or Mizuho, that is...three years of peace!

Colette: Isn't that a little long, Sheena?

Sheena: Sh-shut up! I'm trying! Besides, you're next.

Colette: Oh, it's my turn! Right! Ahem...two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: #Blink# And a complete wooden sword set!

Sheena: That's not too bad. Let's keep it up!

Lloyd: Okay! I'll take this one! On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me—

#Lloyd is again cut off as Genis hops in, wearing a Presea hat and mittens, starry-eyed#

Genis: Four Presea Plushies!

Everybody: ...#Sweatdrop#

Genis: ...What?! I'm here to help!

Sheena: Uh...um...yeah... Ahem... Three years of peace!

Colette: Two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: And a complete wooden sword set!

Genis: Look at that! We're already a third of the way there! No problem!

Lloyd: A third? I see four of us here, Genis...

Genis: #Sigh# Nevermind, Lloyd.

#Suddenly, Zelos leaps in, wearing a goofy-looking mask#

Zelos: Yahoo, my hunnies! The Super Handsome Masked Warrior-Magician Zelos has arrived! #Pause# Oh, Lloyd and the brat are here, too.

Genis: I said not to call me that!!

Lloyd: #He blinked# Why "too?"

Colette: Zelos! Hi! #Wave, wave#

Sheena; #Leer# I'm _not_ one of your cheap floozies, Zelos. Don't you have anybody else to annoy?

Zelos: Nope! You're at the top of my list!

Sheena: #SIGH#

Zelos: Perchance was that the Twelve Days of Christmas that met the Super-Lovely Zelos' ever-so-delicate ears?

Colette: Yep! We're all saying what we want instead of what they usually say.

Zelos: Oh?! Then surely my hunnies need to know what the Great Zelos desires for the holidays! I'll play, too!

Sheena: #Sarcastically# Great.

Zelos: No need to thank me! Don't worry, my voluptuous beauty, you can help with my gift, too!

Sheena: Knowing you, I don't even want to hear it!

Zelos: Hehe... On the fifth day of Christmas my true hunny gives to me...FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE NAAAAKED HUNNIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!

Sheena: #Twitch# Y-you stupid Chosen!!

Lloyd: #Cringe# Geez, don't sing like that, Zelos! My ears are ringing!

Zelos: Huh? But that's the only part of the song anybody knows anyway, right? It has to be grand! "FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOOOOOOLDEN RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS," right?

Lloyd: St-stop it!

Zelos: Hahaha!

#SMACK!# #Sheena's fist sends Zelos to the ground#

Zelos: #From the ground# Ow! The Violent Demonic Banshee strikes again!

Sheena: ZELOS!!! #Throttle#

Everyone: ...#Sweatdrop#

Genis: U-uh...four Presea plushies!

Zelos: Oh, even the brat wants a hunny for the holidays!

Genis: #Blush# H-hey, don't talk about Presea like that!

Sheena: #As she works to silence Zelos...violently# Three years of peace!

Zelos: Ow, ow, he-OW!!

Colette: Gosh...I hope Zelos is all right. #Blink# Two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: #Watching# Uh...and—Ooh, that hurts! ...A complete... #Cringe# ...wooden sword set...

Sheena: #Huff, puff# There...that'll teach that stupid Chosen ...

Zelos: ...Ow...

#Raine suddenly steps in from the side, her voice scolding#

Raine: Genis, Lloyd, Colette! What are you two doing here?! You should be studying! We're having a test tomorrow, you know!

Lloyd: Eh...Professor Raine...!

Genis: W-we're just having a little fun first, Raine. We're going to do it.

Raine: Well, I suppose that's fine...but what are you all doing?

Colette: We're singing our own version of the Twelve Days of Christmas!

Raine: So then, you're putting in things you want rather than the original lyrics, right?

Colette: Yep!

Raine: Hm, well, I suppose I could give you a hand...just so you can finish your silly game and do your homework.

Lloyd: Hehe...really, Professor? You seem like you want to try it to me.

Raine: Lloyd, just be quiet.

Lloyd: Eheheh...

Sheena: Well, if you wanna hop in, get it started.

Raine: Understood. #She clears her throat before she begins# On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...six-excerpts-from-the-Necronomicon!

Genis: O'boy...here we go...

Colette: Hardly any of these fit with the music...

Zelos: #Sprawled out on the ground# FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE NAAAAKED HUNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!!!!

Sheena: #GLARE#

Genis: Um, Four Presea Plushies!

Raine: #Blink# ...Presea Plushies...?

Sheena: Three years of peace!

Colette: #She snags onto Lloyd's arm# Two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: Uah! And a complete wooden sword set!

Raine: Before we go around again, what happened to Zelos?

Sheena: He spoke.

Raine: Oh. That explains it.

Zelos: Why are you all so mean to me? #Sob# Poor me!

#Presea quietly walks over to the gathered group and tilts her head curiously as she scans them over#

Presea: What is everyone doing?

Genis: P-Presea! I thought you were resting! #He quickly takes off his Presea hat and mittens, hiding them#

Presea: Well, I heard singing, and I also thought that I heard my name, so I came to see what was going on.

Lloyd: We're just singing the Twelve Days of Christmas, but we're putting in stuff we want instead of what they say in the normal song.

Zelos: #Still on the ground# Yeah, but it's all the better now that my little rosebud is here!

Presea: Thank you, Zelos. But...why are you doing that?

Colette: Because it's fun, Presea!

Presea: Fun...? #Pause# Perhaps it is.

Genis: #Blush# D-do you want to try too, Presea?

Lloyd: Yeah, give it a shot!

Presea: ...I suppose there's no harm in it. I shall try.

Genis: G-great!

Presea: I believe it goes... On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...seven years of my lost time.

Colette: That doesn't fit at all, either...

Zelos: And it's morbid, too... #SMACK# OW! Huh? Why just me?!

Sheena: Hmph...

Raine: Six-excerpts-from-the-Necronomicon!

Zelos: #Standing to his feet# FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE NAAAAAAKED HUNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!

Sheena: Will you just shut up?!

Genis: Four plushies of no-one-in-particular!

Lloyd: Huh? But you kept saying Presea earlier...

Genis: LLOYD!!

Lloyd: #Blink# What?

Presea: ...What?

Genis: Nothing!! Sh-Sheena! It's your turn!

Sheena: #Snicker# Right. Three years of peace!

Colette: Two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: And a complete wooden sword set!

#At this point, Regal Bryant walks up upon the group, his expression one of confusion#

Regal: What are you all doing here? Isn't it a bit cold to be parading around outside?

Colette: We're having fun, Regal!

Lloyd: Yep, we're just singing our own Twelve Days of Christmas! Join on in! Just tack what you really want. It's day eight!

Regal: Is that right? Well, I suppose I have time for a bit of fun. I shall dedicate this enjoyment to Alicia as she cannot be here to do it herself.

Presea: ...

Sheena: Uh, maybe you should just start...

Regal: As you wish. #Ahem# On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...my sure redemption!

Colette: Oh, wow, that fits really well!

Genis: Uh, no it doesn't, Colette...it has to be eight of something, not just one.

Regal: Is that how it works?

Raine: You don't know the Twelve Days of Christmas, Regal?

Regal: I was never very festive during the holidays...

Lloyd: Just say "eight" of whatever you want.

Regal: I see. Then eight deeds of redemption!

Zelos: Wow. That is SO lame...

Regal: Oh? Then what would you suggest, Chosen ?

Zelos: Better yet, I'll show you! On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...eight fresh hunnies! Seven—

Sheena: Minutes of no Zelos!

Zelos: Six hunnies stripping!

Sheena: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive fists in your face!!

Zelos: Four fists dodged!

Sheena: Three Summon Spirits!

Zelos: Two kisses stolen!

Sheena: And a corpse lying in the snow!

Zelos: Yikes! Scary, scary!

Sheena: I'm about to receive those gifts!

Zelos: W-woah, hang on, I didn't touch anybody yet! AHHH!!! #Sounds of violence ensue#

Everyone: #Sweatdrop#

Genis: Scary...

Raine: They have a...unique relationship, don't they?

Colette: It's cute!

Everyone: #Sweatdrop#

Lloyd: A-anyway, we're almost done! Let's keep going!

Raine: Yes, then homework, Lloyd.

Lloyd: #Sigh# Oh, man... Anyway, on the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me—

Kratos: #Stepping out from the side# Nine second chances...

Lloyd: Second chances? #Blink# But, if you have nine of them, isn't that...y'know, not just a "second" chance anymore?

Kratos: Q-quiet, Lloyd. I merely wish to right my sins...and this is how the song is played, is it not?

Lloyd: O-oh yeah...but why are you here, Da— I mean, Kratos.

Kratos: I've merely come to see that all is well. And to join in your festivities should it not present a problem.

Lloyd: No, of course not! We'll have fun! Regal, it's your go!

Regal: Ah, yes... Eight deeds of redemption!

Presea: Seven years of my lost time...

Zelos: Wow, all three in a row are morbid! Now that's coincidence!

Sheena: Zelos, keep your mouth shut!

Raine: Six-excerpts-from-the-Necronomicon!

Zelos: FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE NAAAAKED HUNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!

Sheena: #Sigh...#

Genis: Four random plushies!... #Whisper# ...of young girls with pink hair that wield huge axes...

Sheena: Three years of peace!

Colette: Two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: And a complete wooden sword set!

Raine: Lloyd, will you start with the tenth day? Being the first, it makes sense that we start again with you.

Kratos: That's right. Go on, Lloyd.

Lloyd: Sure thing! On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me—

#Mithos suddenly descends in the middle of the group8

Mithos: Ten Chosen for my sister!

#All of the companions tense at Mithos' sudden arrival#

Lloyd: Mithos! Wh-how are you here?! You're supposed to be dead!

Mithos: Ahahahaha...! Dead? This fanfiction has no timeline nor continuity, therefore, I live on!

Lloyd: Gah! Then it's all the author's fault!

Mithos: That's right! But because of that, I also have no desire to settle things here and now...instead, for some inexplicable reason, I'll sing this little diddy of holiday cheer with you inferior beings.

Raine: This illogical. If this weren't a humor fanfic, someone would have to pay for this terrible display of out-of-character action.

Regal: Being that as it may, shouldn't we finish the song? That IS why they're reading, after all...

Kratos: You're right. Nine second chances...

Lloyd: I still say that's really, really weird...

Regal: Eight deeds of redemption!

Presea: Seven years of my lost time.

Raine: Six-excerpts-from-the-Necronomicon!

Zelos: #Slinking a heavy arm over both Lloyd and Sheena's shoulders# FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE NAAAAKED HUNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!

Lloyd: #Blink# Why am I included in this?!

Sheena: ...For the last time, I'm not your "hunny," and I'm not getting naked for you!

Zelos: Aw...and I was so looking forward to feasting my eyes on that full voluptuous body of yours, too. Heh...

Genis: Four Pr— uh, pretty plushies!

Sheena: Three years of no Zelos!

Zelos: Ah! That was mean! But it be saying that you'll be ready to accept my pure aura of sexiness in three years? Would you become my hunny?!

Sheena: #Leer#

Colette: Two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: And a complete wooden sword set!

Mithos: I'm surrounded by traitors and inferior beings...while I'm singing a Christmas diddy? This is ridiculous!

Kratos: Yes, we must make the author pay for taking such liberties once this embarrassing fiasco has ended.

Colette: I think it's fun! Hehe...

Lloyd: Heh...yeah! Anyway! On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me—

#Yuan leaps from a building and lands on top of Lloyd, striking a pose#

Yuan: Ah...that wasn't supposed to happen...

Lloyd: O-ow...

Colette: L-Lloyd! Ah! Are you okay?!

Sheena: Lloyd! You all right...?

Zelos: #Sigh# Lloyd's got all the luck...

Lloyd: Y-yeah...if...he'll get off...

Yuan: Oh...yes.

#Yuan steps off and Lloyd slowly rises to his feet.

Lloyd: Yuan, where'd you come from...?

Yuan: I'm just here to get paid......er...I mean, I just finished some business at the Tethe'alla Base and heard you all were here.

Colette: You were worried about us!

Yuan: ...Not really. And I mean that.

Colette: ...Oh. #Blink#

Lloyd: I really want to know why I can't get in another line besides my first one...I mean, I AM the main character and all...

Kratos: ...Ego-maniac...

Lloyd: Hey, I am!

Yuan: Will you just let me sing my lines so I can get paid for this job? It's expensive to look this good, you know.

Kratos: ...Go on, Yuan.

Yuan: Now...eleven mana cannons!

Lloyd: Wha— Mana Cannons?! Why the heck would you need those?!

Yuan: I don't feel the need to explain myself.

Raine: Hm, they say that men with an intense hunger for power are looking to compensate for something... So not just Rodyle, but I guess Yuan, too...

Yuan: For the record, if it was in the script, I would _really_ kill you right now.

Presea: I do not believe that was in the script either. Error detected.

Mithos: Enough of this! I want my...ten Chosen for my sister!

Kratos: I desire my...nine second chances.

Regal: All my heart wishes is for...eight deeds of redemption!

Presea: I truly wish for my...seven years of lost time.

Raine: I would melt for...six-excerpts-from-the-Necronomicon!

Zelos: I can't wait to go home to...FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE NAAAAKED HUNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!

Genis: I-I'd really, really like...four secret plushies...

Sheena: For my people of Mizuho I only want...three years of peace!

Colette: I'll cry if I don't get...two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: #Blink# Seriously?! Uh, I mean...I really want...a complete wooden sword set!

Presea: But one day remains. The song's conclusion is approaching.

Genis: Y-yeah...wow, y-you're so s-s-smart, P-Pre-Presea!

Presea: The song's title being the Twelve Days of Christmas, it is an easily deductible conclusion.

Genis: #Crestfallen# O-oh, yeah, of course.

Raine: It seems that Genis has a long way to go.

Zelos: #Smirk# Ah, the hunnies of youth!

Sheena: Don't tell me you were a pervert even at that age!

Zelos: Come on, Sheena! Give me some credit!

Sheena: #Small sigh# Good...I guess even you have your limits...

Zelos: Yeah! The brat's getting a late start! Seriously!

Sheena: Yeah, he— WHAT?!

Regal: The Chosen 's philanthropy exceeds even my own expectations...

Kratos: Children...heh...

Yuan: I'm glad I didn't have to be here from the start.

Mithos: Why aren't you all quaking in terror or trying to deflate my evil plans with words of reason and compassion?! I AM THE MAIN VILLIAN, DAMMIT!! Fear me or pity me, but don't ignore me!!

Lloyd: #Blink# Colette, did you hear something?

Colette: Huh? Um, I don't think so...

Mithos: All right, now I'm getting mad.

Kratos: Lloyd, you know what to do. Let's finish this. I have some business to deal with regarding the author once this has concluded.

Colette: Let's go, Lloyd!

Lloyd: On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...twelve months without homework!

Yuan: Eleven mana cannons!

Mithos: Ten Chosen for my sister!

Kratos: Nine second chances.

Regal: Eight deeds of redemption!

Presea: Seven years...of my lost time.

Raine: Six-excerpts-from-the-Necronomicon!

Zelos: FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE NAAAAKED HUNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!!!

Genis: Four special plushies...!

Sheena: Three years of peace!

Colette: Two gifts from Lloyd!

Lloyd: And a complete wooden sword set! Ah, look at that! The main character still gets the spotlight in the end, after all!

Presea: Song complete. Mission accomplished.

Zelos: I'm sure all my hunnies will buy my album. It'll be platinum in no time!

Genis: Maybe they'll seal your mouth shut in platinum while they're at it...

Zelos: I heard that, brat.

Sheena: Heheh...I have to admit, that was pretty fun.

Raine: By the way, Lloyd, about that present you mentioned on the twelfth day of Christmas...

Lloyd: Yeah?

Raine: That's one Christmas gift you'll not be getting! Now go do your homework!

Lloyd: Aw, man!


End file.
